Looking for a new home?

So there's a super-cute little house for sale on our street. It's TINY and seriously needs some work (like new floors), but it's cheap. For those of you not from Portland or for those of you unfamiliar with the housing market here, $165,000 will get you 750 square feet (yes, 750. I didn't leave out a digit) in a neighborhood that's up-and-coming to be up-and-coming.

I mean, our little community here DOES have standards for potential members. If one or more of these criteria sounds like you, please let me know and I will put you in touch with the realtor immediately

§You have at least one dog you apparently do not allow in your house and you leave them outside to bark. Constantly.

§You choose not to smoke cigarettes in your house, but instead stand on your back porch, all the while hacking up one or both lungs while the smoke drifts over to your neighbors' yards. This is especially nice in the summer.

§You are suspected by your neighbors of being a drug dealer, and in fact, at least one of your neighbors has alerted the neighborhood fuzz.

§You have a trailer in your backyard, where you allow your son and his girlfriend to stay, and from which they come and go at all hours.

§You have at least one vehicle with a damaged/missing muffler, which you enjoy "revving" for 20 minutes or longer.

§You have a constant stream of used appliances in your front yard, which you and your friends haul away on a daily basis, only to replace them with others. It appears this is your career.

§You live in a tiny house with your spouse and 3 teenage daughters who appear typical: squealing, fighting, laughing, etc., but who also prevent your neighbors from keeping their windows open at night in the summer.

§You have an adult child who has mixed himself up with "the wrong crowd" (that is, most likely drug dealers), and pisses them off, wherein they retaliate by throwing a Molotov Cocktail at your house.

It's like our own little gated community without the gates. Come see the paradise.